¿Cómo te fue anoche?

Ring... ring...

B: So!

S: Hola, Bu!

B: ¿Y? ¿Cómo te fue anoche con M?

S (a media máquina): Estuvo buenísimo.

B (enfáticamente): Genial!

S (con voz de crisis): Pero me quedé medio traumada.

B: ¿Porqué?

S: Porque estuve putísima.

B: Y...es la idea.

(Risas)

Señales de que uno se está poniendo viejo

Los hombres que conocés tienen pánico de quedarse pelados.

La gente convive o se casa, tiene hijos, se separa..

Sin ejercicio, las cosas se caen.

Te encontrás diciendo cosas como: "No puedo creer lo grande que estás", "¿Hace cuánto fue eso? ¿Diez años ya? ¿En en '97?"o "En mi época..."

Empezás a mezclar recuerdos: ¿Cuándo es que fue eso? ¿En el verano que fuimos a México o aquel verano que estábamos en Pinamar?

Tus amigas sacan el tema de alguna cosa del pasado y vos ni siquiera te acordás que haya pasado.

Preferís quedarte leyendo un libro o viendo una película antes que ir al boliche.

La cosa más bizarra que me pasó en mucho tiempo

Volvía de Pilates con esa linda sensación de tener los músculos doloridos por haber hecho ejercicio, cuando me acordé que tenía que ir a lo de mamá, que se había mudado hacía poco tiempo.

Cuando llegué, estaban mi mamá, con mi tía Mercedes, mi hermano más chico y el pintor (todavía estaban pintando un cuarto). Mi mamá me pidió que le pinche una ampolla con el alfiler y yo gustosa accedi, y, charla de por medio, me dispuse a irme para mi casa pero antes quise pasar por el baño.

Una vez adentro del baño me senté en inodoro e hice lo que tenía que hacer, y al hacerlo pensé "que textura más rara tiene esta tabla". Cuando me paré, sentí algo raro en mis piernas y mis cachetes...era pintura blanca!!!!!!!!

Si!! Tenía la forma del inodoro marcado en mis piernas y cola!!!!!! La verdad es que hace mucho tiempo que no me reía así en mi vida...

Del final, que les puedo contar. Mi mamá pasandome agua ras mientras yo pensaba que esto era lo más bizarro que me había pasado en mucho tiempo.

Cosas locas que ve la gente por la cuidad

1) un tipo depilandose abajo del puente que queda al lado del Planetario, a plena luz del día!
2) un yuppie pavoneando sus chapas y su impeccably groomed suit en un jeep de guerra (?) por Puerto Madero...
3) un freak haciendo footing en zunga a las 2 am, con las patas y el pecho pintado de azul!!!
4) un linyera en bicicleta, pero esa no es la rareza... el señor en cuestión decidió escupirle el cachete a una pobre amiga mía que cometía el error de pasar caminando por alli!
Espero contribuciones. En esta ciudad pasa de todo.

Bossa n' Stones = deschavando a los truchos

Sabías que...

…los discos son producidos, grabados e interpretados íntegramente en la Argentina? La estrategia de Music Brokers (la compañía discográfica) es hacer creer que es un producto de afuera, por eso los nombres tan exóticos como "The Río Series" o "The New York Sessions"? Qué raro que esté todo escrito en inglés, no?

…los nombres de los intérpretes de los temas de Bossa n' Stones (y clones) son inventados, en algunos casos cambiando apenas una letra de un artista famoso? (Ej. Astrud C es llamativamente parecido a la famosa cantante brasileña Astrud G (Gilberto), en el disco House Jazz Essentials nombran a Herbie Garrett (NADA que ver con Herbie Hancock y menos que menos con Keith Jarret), y los Groove Messengers me suena a los Jazz Messengers (Bastaa) y comparan las interpretaciones de las cantantes de los temas del disco con las divas del jazz? (y hablan de voces negras!!! Jajaj!!)

…en una nota escrita en la Nación el 29/04/06 "Miko Jackson" (JA! les suena?), el nombre que está detrás de la producción de los discos (...) dice en una peculiar entrevista realizada por el mismo sello: “Llevo años trabajando y experimentando con músicas de diferentes culturas y pueblos, pero con la saga Bossa se dio la combinación mágica, como cuando surgió el rock & roll... Fue pura espontaneidad (Nooo!!!) y así lo recibió la gente”. Si quieren leer la entrevista entera, aparece en la sección novedades del sitio: http://www.pmbmusic.com/novedades.asp

…los productores piden a los/as cantantes que canten de acuerdo al producto: voces sensuales? (o sea que ninguno de esos discos surge de un deseo real de hacer música)

…los caraduras, al editar Bossa N’ Stones 2, hablan de doblar la “apuesta artística” (?)

…la compañía Music Brokers utiliza ideas, arreglos, y/o demos de músicos sin su autorización?

Men - Types A & B

It is important that we women should be aware of who we are with in order to avoid betting our money on the wrong horse, taking into account that we could divide guys into two extremely different groups:

A)

Immature, proud, resented, womanizers who generally make a splash when we first meet them, and demented assorted other freaks. The prototype of this group being a guy who enjoys flirting but never goes further than that, the typical guy that freaks out the moment he notices a woman gets a little “over-affectionate” (logical reaction as a consequence of “so much giving, taking, sharing and loving” during the “flirting phase”). A situation very likely to happen when you hang around with a member of group a) could be the following: When a girl tells her “soul-mate”, for example: how about meeting up tomorrow for a delicious barbecue?, and he answers – totally relaxed, by the way - “Well, we’ll see tomorrow, ‘cause I also need to see my friends, you know…". Obviously the girl then realizes the huge mistake she has made, and she radically changes her discourse by saying things such as “Uhhh, yes, you’re completely right, I also need to see the girls, ‘cause, you know, we are not a couple”. Of course she says this expecting a miracle to make him say “What? I thought we were a couple”; but no girls, don’t expect anything of the sort from these peculiar type of specimens in these kind of situations.

But what happens next? The guy leaves, and the girl spends hours and hours making up hipotheses of endless “what would have happened if...”, telling herself that maybe she was pushing things, making up a good excuse to call him the following day, a ceaseless stream of rethorical questions invading her mind pulling her to the verge of insanity. Definitely we are very stupid but this is the “intrinsic consequence” of being used to deal with these kind of “Lords”, who are experts at letting us down.

But, don’t worry, we’ll put our best foot forward and think of possible solutions to have an edge over guys belonging to group A) in daily life situations.

As to group B), it is relevant to highlight the fact that guys in this group are definitely a minority, but luckily they can still be found after a vast selection of individuals is made.

B)

Guys who still haven’t met the girl of their dreams, men that would go to the end of the earth in order to find “the one”. The problem is that when these “saints” (saints in comparison to the others, because when it comes to men not even one of them could possibly be referred to as “saint”) tell us that they want to get to know us better, we “graduated” time and again from group A) members, don’t believe a word of what they say and adopt the attitude of a liberal woman, totally free and independent and say things like: “The words “couple” amd “relationship” definitely freak me out. Do you understand what I mean?” (congratulating ourselves for uttering such a witty remark, and expecting the guy to agree with us) But...the guy tells us “Well, no, in fact I’m open to get to know you better and if I fall for you, well, maybe you and I could get together.” We, astonished, drop our jaws open and are momentaneously speechless, and suddenly experience a flashback and remember our past relationships with the idiots of group A), and that’s then we realise that we are acting the same way we hated them to act.

So we decide that due to the fact that these guys treat us like princesses and go to great lenghts to please us, they deserve an opportunity (always bearing in mind that guys definitely respond best when we make them “toe the line”, if you know what I mean.)

That’s when we give ourselves the chance to lower our emotional barriers and act the way we really are: women waiting for a nice, kind guy who respects us and wants to make us happy. Or aren't we.

Down & out

Lurking in the distance

like gross turgid rats;

the idea of knowledge

makes my heart jump.

About discoveries

And, then,
one day it happens.
Something triggers
something else
somewhere inside you.
And you can suddenly enjoy
a new possibility opening before you.

Light & darkness

Fix the shutters

and you will be able to decide

when to open up

and when

to hide.

Writer’s block

Your thoughts are put across

so clearly

that they make you

blind.

Flashes of light in your mind

make you aware of

that.

Don’t let the postman catch you crying

Don’t offer him the usual cup of tea.

Don’t talk to him that way

or hum his favourite tune.

Don’t let the postman catch you crying.

The pianist

Your music is inspiring

It penetrates my soul

like rays of light

Into an empty building wall.

On the pink

Stomp your feet

to the beat of

the pitter patter of

the rain

against

your bedroom window.

Brainwashed

Idiotic taxi driver

driven by prejudices

and empty-of-discourse notions

Why don’t you go back to driving

instead of

annoying your passenger

with worldly crap?

Night & day

Those paradoxical 5 a.m. thoughts

that keep you awake at night

and also

seem to vanish in daylight.

No one can see us

Walk towards me.

Take my hand

and make me waltz.

The nightclub is empty;

it all comes down to that.

Performance

Let me buy you a drink.

The night is ahead

and I want to hear

no more of that.

Give me a cocktail

And then I’ll be able to act.

Dreams come true

Buy me one more beer

if you want to know that.

My lips won’t articulate the words

your dreams used to laugh at.

Bus thoughts

The desire to feel you,

to taste you,

to explore you

wells up inside me

as the rocking movement of the city bus

swallows me up.

What the hell...!

Looking through the window

while the city sleeps;

wondering what the rest of the world is up to.

Give me a break

Why don’t you

drown

in a

glass of champagne?

Ode to the cliché

What would life

look like

without those

nonsense convictions

posed by no one

and respected by all?

Reminiscences

Your delicate hands

move along the keyboard

sending messages to

all those people

you used to know.

Nonsense

In one ear, out the other

Your smile melts

all the promises

of taking care of myself.

Life

A step on the pavement

and you will know

There’s no place left in the city

for you to go

Just play along

while the sick game goes on.

Apple Macintosh

Dear Mr Apple

Due to the unfortunate circumstances

Would you care to give me my money back?

Dear Mr. No one,

Unfortunately, a prior engagement

prevents me from answering your letter

Snapshots of reality

Why is it that things can be seen from

extremely different perspectives and yet

give satisfying answers to everyone?

That was enough

Only you could leave me in such awe

I drank no whisky on the rocks when I got home

I cried while I played that old song

It doesn’t satisfy me to do you wrong.

Multiple Choice

I

am

all those people

all those people

are

me

I

wash my face

and then

look up at the mirror

in front of

me

and

wonder

who

I

am

after all.